You are alone again. You like it that way. Less muss, less fuss. Fewer distractions, less demands on your time. You value your free time, time to do the things YOU want to do, right? Problem is, you want to surf the Internet for pornography. It started simple enough. Just swimsuits, alluring models in skimpy clothes. No biggy. Then it was those celebrity “fan sites” with half-dressed celebs being drunk and provocative. Man, ain’t those paparazzi the greatest! Then you moved on to lingerie. Maybe a Victoria’s Secret catalog that came in the mail by accident. No harm there, just a little skin, right? Pretty soon, though, things go from bad to worse. At first it was just “art appreciation.” Fine photography revealing the human form. No harm in that, right? Besides, if those girls didn’t want to be looked at, they wouldn’t have posed for the pictures, right?
Then, just like with alcohol and drugs, you start needing harder stuff to get a buzz. It’s a daisy-chain of addiction, one site leading to another to another, each link taking you deeper and deeper into darkness. Over time you find yourself going places no man should ever go, looking at things no man should ever see.
You have it all worked out in your head, have all your excuses and justifications lined up like bullets in an ammunition clip, ready to be fired off on full auto if your conscience ever tries to rise up and suggest that your lifestyle might not be the healthiest, your moral choices not the most sound. I mean, after all, they’re just pictures, right? What’s the big deal? Nobody is getting hurt, right?
How many of us out there have used these excuses ourselves at some point? Whether it’s our online poker habit, the slots at the Indian Reservation, our drinking, shoplifting, or pornography, the excuses all end up sounding pretty much the same. It’s just a few beers, right? It’s not like I’m drinking the hard stuff.
I’m not spending THAT much at the mall every week, right? And besides, it was on SALE!
No, really. This will be the LAST time I hit the Blackjack tables, just until I can earn back the money I lost last week…
No matter how wrapped up in it we get, no matter how many chains we bind ourselves with, no matter how many other areas of our life we sacrifice to our addictions, we always somehow manage to clear the air by insisting that, hey, what’s the big deal? Nobody is getting hurt.
But it’s both a truth, AND a lie.
Because, you see, someone IS getting hurt. YOU. YOU are getting hurt. You are harming yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You’re relationships are suffering, what few you might actually have left. You’ve withdrawn from the world, slowly cutting off family, shutting out friends. When you let yourself become a slave to these compulsions, these addictions, you are bringing the promise of ruin and pain into your life.
So when you say that “nobody” is getting hurt, what you’re really doing is calling yourself a nobody. You are saying that you don’t matter, that it’s okay for you to get hurt. Oh sure, you’d never intentionally hurt anyone else. THEM you care about. You? Eh, it’s okay if YOU get hurt. No big deal. You’re just a nobody. Nobody cares about me, really, so why should I care about myself?
And the really tragic thing? Somewhere, somewhere deep down inside, you might actually believe it, too.
Because, truth is? You don’t really believe all those excuses you’re so good at making. You don’t really think it’s no big deal. You know it’s wrong, but because you’re an addict, you won’t…or can’t….stop. The guilt is tearing you apart inside, but instead of dealing with the guilt, you medicate the pain. With your addiction. You “use” to feel good, even for a little bit, to escape the pain you feel. But you still know, somewhere down inside, that it’s wrong. And so you feel guilty, ashamed. Swear you’ll quit. But you can’t. So you drink to escape the guilt that’s driving you to drink. It’s a vicious cycle that is tearing you apart and robbing you of health, life, and love.
So, let’s be honest here. Someone IS getting hurt. You. But it’s not “only” you, either. Maybe you’ve never punched anyone, never screamed or yelled, never “abused” or hurt someone. Maybe you’ve never hit anyone with your car while driving drunk, or never forced a young runaway girl to pose nude for a website to pay for the drugs you got her hooked on; but not all hurts leave scars you can see. You’re hurting your wife, your girlfriend, your parents, your kids. Your co-workers, your friends. People who want to know you, who want you to chose THEM over the porn, or the poker, or the alcohol. They are hurting, feeling the pain of rejection, of abandonment, of self-doubt. Even if you never lift a finger farther than it takes to click a mouse button, you are still hurting people. You are passing on a legacy of hurts that they will carry with them throughout the rest of their life.
So don’t believe the lies. Stop telling yourself that nobody is getting hurt. You’re not a nobody. You are somebody, somebody who God wants to know Him, to find in HIM the healing, the love, the acceptance that maybe you don’t think you deserve, or will ever find. God wants to give you His love, whether you deserve it or not. As a matter of fact, the less you “deserve” it, the MORE He wants to give it to you!
Jesus *said to them, “{It is} not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Matt 2:17 NASB)
And understand that you can’t fight this alone. Trust in God, and He will bring people into your life that can help you find healing, help bring restoration and connection and wholeness where you’ve allowed your addiction to cause brokenness, destruction and pain.
No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. (1 Cr 10:13 NASB)
Stop hurting yourself. Stop hurting those around you. Stop telling the lies that no one…not even you…believe anymore. It won’t be easy; but with the help of God, it doesn’t have to be impossible either.
Here’s are some recommended resources for those struggling with addiction, especially sexually-based addictions:
http://www.13waystoruinyourlife.com/
http://www.pornaddicthubby.com/
Trapped in Temptation
http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/CBNTeachingSheets/Pornography.aspx
Thoughts on Malachi
My studies took me to the Italian prophet tonight.
The book of Malachi is essentially God slapping the Israelites right upside the head because of their shallow, insincere, and downright insulting attitudes towards Him. The sad/scary thing is…I saw waaaaay to much of the modern Church in these passages.
Through Malachi, God rebukes His people for the crap they are bringing Him as offerings. A harsh word? Not really. They were bringing junk, garbage, crap…and offering it to the Lord of Lords, King of Kings. To say that He was a little put off is putting it mildly.
God asks if they would ever give such poor offerings to their local governor or magistrate? The answer would be heck no! Because they’d end up in shackles or picking up garbage around the village square on trash detail if they tried. But with God? Eh, whatever I’ve got lying around ought to be good enough…
God’s chosen people were offering tarnished trinkets, their lame and blind animals, rotten fruit and stolen goods as their offerings on the altar of Jehovah in the temple. And then they seemed to be confused and surprised when God condemns them for it.
It seems a lot like the father of a clueless teenager who can’t understand why he’s in trouble when you told him to mow the yard, and then he only did half of it and quit to play X-box with his friends instead.
Then I thought about the kinds of “donations” I’ve seen people give to the churches at which I’ve been a member. Heck, let’s be honest here, the kind of donations I have given to my own churches. Stuff left over from the garage sale. Stuff I found in the back of the closet or the attic, some of which doesn’t even work. I pawn it off on the church figuring, “Maybe somebody can fix it, and anyway, it’s finally out of MY house!”
I know for a fact people have used church donation drives as a convenient way of getting out of paying the dumping fee at the county landfill.
What does that say about us? That we’ll give stuff to God that even WE don’t want anymore!?
The words of the prophet Malachi make it pretty clear that God WILL NOT BLESS YOU OR HONOR YOUR PRAYERS if you come before His altar with this attitude. As a matter of fact, these token gestures of piety really anger our Lord, and He actually promises a curse for those who continue to do it! I, for one, was very convicted about my peevish frustration that an 11:30 service “takes up half my day” on Sunday, instead of being able to get in at 9:30 and be out before noon so I can “get on with my day.”
Sound familiar to anyone? Hmmm? To think, I begrudge God two hours of worship. I can’t spare two hours out of “my” day, to go with a willing heart to lay my offering on His altar. I should be frustrated and disappointed that that’s ALL I get, wishing it were more, not less. Like I said, Malachi has been hitting a little too close to home!
Malachi also makes it clear that tithing isn’t optional. This kind of surprised me, because I’ve always heard tithing presented either in the form of a plea from the pulpit, or as a personal decision between me and God. According to the words of God in Malachi, failing to tithe is “robbing God.”
It is also clear that God views the marriage covenant between a man and a women as every bit as important, binding, and sacred as His covenant with Israel. We see here again the archetype of the marriage, and foreshadowings of the NT teachings of the “Bride of Christ.” God promises the same sort of anger and retribution for men who deal with their wives “treacherously” as those who bring corrupted offerings to His temple. Interesting.
I ‘ve also come to see Malachi as actually a pretty powerful book about…fatherhood, believe it or not.
Despite the harsh language, it’s actually a book of love. Huh? Yup. Read it, you’ll see. When I read this book of the Old Testament, I heard a frustrated father scolding his clueless children for their disobedience. I have BEEN that guy, frustrated nearly to tears, stating for the leventy-zillionth time what should be obvious, self evident truths to children who just stare at me in bemused surprised like I just told them the sky is green. He threatens them with terrible consequences, but he ALSO promises great rewards. He lays it out, in plain and simple language. He is setting boundaries, house rules, complete with punishments and rewards, in such a way that they can’t come back later and say, “Wull… I didn’t KNOW! You didn’t tellll me THAT!“