As part of my spiritual journey, one which has ebbed and flowed at various times during my life, sometimes burning with intensity, other times smouldering with barely a flicker of flame or a wisp of smoke, I have decided to commit to a 40 day fast.
I have come to realize that I have been putting other things in my life before God. Now I intent to LAY them before God. After a bit of introspection, I have identified the following three things that have become stumbling blocks or dependencies in my life:
1) Caffeine. I put waaay too much time and effort into maintaining a level of caffeination that my body can simply no longer tolerate. I lurch from cup of coffee to soda to coffee to “get me through the day.” It has become my stumbling block, and I’m depending on IT when I should be depending on God. So, for the next 40 days, no caffeine.
2) Sugar. Processed, nasty sugar. I have identified some ongoing health issues, probably Candida or some variant of Celiac’s Disease, and sugar is a fermenting, yeast producing nasty that my body can do without. And since I’ve discovered that I am a “comfort eater,” I tend to put back a lot of sugary sweets during times of stress. Which these days is most of the time. Again, it is my crutch, my dependency, my replacement for the work of God in my life, so for the next 40 days, it goes.
3) Blogging. What used to be fun has devolved into pounding out negative, critical screeds replete with the very kind of huffy-puffy indignation and self-indulgent posturing one would expect from a DailyKos’r or HuffPo columnist. And that’s not me. At least, I certainly don’t WANT it to be me. It has begun to take away time from work, my family, and any hope I might have of quality devotional time. So not only will I not be blogging myself, I will not be reading or commenting on other blogs. I need to go cold turkey. I doubt I’ll ever quit entirely, but I need to get myself back on track, and find my muse, so to speak. So for the next 40 days, no blogging.
I once had a strong and growing web ministry via my writings. I was touching peoples’ lives and bringing them the message of Hope to be found in Jesus Christ. I was repeatedly blessed by emails from people who read something that God had given me, and it had spoken to some struggle or challenge that they had been facing in their own life. How exciting, and how humbling!
Problem is, I haven’t been doing that for quite some time now.
It is what I have always felt I’ve been called to do. I may never plant a church, become a missionary, or preach from a pulpit, but I believe God has gifted me to use my writing to touch hearts and souls, to shine the light of Christ in those dark corners we fear, or hope, no one else knows about. But God knows, and he uses every tool at his disposal to reach into those places and do the work that needs to be done. I like to think that at times I’ve been an instrument in his hands, helping to heal what was hurt, repair what was broken, perhaps bringing reconciliation where before there was only estrangement.
I want to begin to do that again.
So, since sundown last night, to use the Judaic model, I began my fast. 40 days, committed to the Lord, to reclaim that which has been lost, or at least buried. To re-energize my Walk, and to rekindle the flames of ministry which I have let die.
My hope, and my prayer, is that as God teaches me, leads me, and guides me through this time, that I can share those lessons and struggles here in such a way that others can be blessed by them as well.
So, off we go!
In Christ,
~~Steve Berven~~
Thoughts on Malachi
My studies took me to the Italian prophet tonight.
The book of Malachi is essentially God slapping the Israelites right upside the head because of their shallow, insincere, and downright insulting attitudes towards Him. The sad/scary thing is…I saw waaaaay to much of the modern Church in these passages.
Through Malachi, God rebukes His people for the crap they are bringing Him as offerings. A harsh word? Not really. They were bringing junk, garbage, crap…and offering it to the Lord of Lords, King of Kings. To say that He was a little put off is putting it mildly.
God asks if they would ever give such poor offerings to their local governor or magistrate? The answer would be heck no! Because they’d end up in shackles or picking up garbage around the village square on trash detail if they tried. But with God? Eh, whatever I’ve got lying around ought to be good enough…
God’s chosen people were offering tarnished trinkets, their lame and blind animals, rotten fruit and stolen goods as their offerings on the altar of Jehovah in the temple. And then they seemed to be confused and surprised when God condemns them for it.
It seems a lot like the father of a clueless teenager who can’t understand why he’s in trouble when you told him to mow the yard, and then he only did half of it and quit to play X-box with his friends instead.
Then I thought about the kinds of “donations” I’ve seen people give to the churches at which I’ve been a member. Heck, let’s be honest here, the kind of donations I have given to my own churches. Stuff left over from the garage sale. Stuff I found in the back of the closet or the attic, some of which doesn’t even work. I pawn it off on the church figuring, “Maybe somebody can fix it, and anyway, it’s finally out of MY house!”
I know for a fact people have used church donation drives as a convenient way of getting out of paying the dumping fee at the county landfill.
What does that say about us? That we’ll give stuff to God that even WE don’t want anymore!?
The words of the prophet Malachi make it pretty clear that God WILL NOT BLESS YOU OR HONOR YOUR PRAYERS if you come before His altar with this attitude. As a matter of fact, these token gestures of piety really anger our Lord, and He actually promises a curse for those who continue to do it! I, for one, was very convicted about my peevish frustration that an 11:30 service “takes up half my day” on Sunday, instead of being able to get in at 9:30 and be out before noon so I can “get on with my day.”
Sound familiar to anyone? Hmmm? To think, I begrudge God two hours of worship. I can’t spare two hours out of “my” day, to go with a willing heart to lay my offering on His altar. I should be frustrated and disappointed that that’s ALL I get, wishing it were more, not less. Like I said, Malachi has been hitting a little too close to home!
Malachi also makes it clear that tithing isn’t optional. This kind of surprised me, because I’ve always heard tithing presented either in the form of a plea from the pulpit, or as a personal decision between me and God. According to the words of God in Malachi, failing to tithe is “robbing God.”
It is also clear that God views the marriage covenant between a man and a women as every bit as important, binding, and sacred as His covenant with Israel. We see here again the archetype of the marriage, and foreshadowings of the NT teachings of the “Bride of Christ.” God promises the same sort of anger and retribution for men who deal with their wives “treacherously” as those who bring corrupted offerings to His temple. Interesting.
I ‘ve also come to see Malachi as actually a pretty powerful book about…fatherhood, believe it or not.
Despite the harsh language, it’s actually a book of love. Huh? Yup. Read it, you’ll see. When I read this book of the Old Testament, I heard a frustrated father scolding his clueless children for their disobedience. I have BEEN that guy, frustrated nearly to tears, stating for the leventy-zillionth time what should be obvious, self evident truths to children who just stare at me in bemused surprised like I just told them the sky is green. He threatens them with terrible consequences, but he ALSO promises great rewards. He lays it out, in plain and simple language. He is setting boundaries, house rules, complete with punishments and rewards, in such a way that they can’t come back later and say, “Wull… I didn’t KNOW! You didn’t tellll me THAT!“